Maybe Today

Every morning before I open my eyes, I wonder if this will be the day.

The day when I no longer have to fight to be strong, save face and pretend that everything is okay.

The day when I say everything is great and I actually mean it.

A day when my heart is no longer broken and the idea of love no longer makes me sick to my stomach.

A day when the memories of almost lovers no longer circle my mind

Leaving me wondering if I will ever get it right.

And for that matter if any of this is really even worth it.

Every day is a struggle

This internal battle between what I want and what is right.

So I take a deep breath and hold on to the prospect of a new beginning.

As my feet touch the floor, I can feel the heaviness begin to abound.

Creeping slowly through my veins like the venom of a snake

Tears of loneliness bubble to the surface

As I gaze in the mirror at the broken girl on the other side.

You are strong I tell her, you are powerful, intelligent, and beautiful.

And with a smile, I grasp ever so tightly to the peaceful hope that if I can just make it through one more day…

That maybe tomorrow everything really will be okay.

 

Winds of Change

I no longer fear the impending storms of change 

The intensity of lightning at my feet

And flooding rains of uncertainty

I find comfort in their power

And solace in the unknown

For without adjustment

My soul would never grow

Leaving a resolve to simply stay the same

Absent of excitement

Stagnant 

Dormant

And unfulfilled

A great reasoning 

To step wholeheartedly

Into the unknown

Welcoming the winds of transformation

Inner growth

And all that I have yet to experience

There is great beauty in the ruckus

That comes only

From the ever changing power

Of the storm