Remember the days when we didn’t carry around a tracking device with us at all times?
The time before the instant gratification of text messages and google searches. When one had to ponder their questions and research the answers, rather than merely typing them in the search bar.
When not answering the phone meant you were not home or otherwise engaged and the person on the other end simply left a message, rather than jumping to conclusions as to why you did not pick up.
I miss those days.
This device that was once intended to enhance our communication with one another causes me to want to completely disconnect instead. So, yes, there are times when I turn off my phone, for days. In fact, on most days the ringer is not even on.
Why? Because, I am sick and tired of my life being centered around this constant tether to the world. My actions at any given moment being dictated by the schedule of the person on the other end.
Every once in a while, I just want a little peace…some quiet…in a world that never seems to shut up!
And is it not our right to decide how and when we chose to have those moments?
It should be.
I worked many years at the beacon call of everyone else and in times of turmoil and discontent, I find it absolutely necessary to disconnect in order to ensure the decisions I make moving forward are my own and without influence of how others perceive them to be.
In matters of the heart, friendship, I can sometimes find myself clouded by the worry of disappointing others or the fear of how they will perceive the actions I take moving forward. And it is for that reason that in such times of reflection, I take a step back.
It takes a great deal to push me to the point where I would consider ending a friendship and few have brought me to that point. After all, we all make mistakes, misunderstandings happen and life is just too short not to try and work things out.
In the end, I think it comes down to the level of pain inflicted and whether or not it is possible to recover from. That is not a decision I take lightly.
And if so, where is the balance in the friendship moving forward? What was it before? Was this event something that has been an ongoing struggle between the two of you or are there other outlying factors at play? If it has been an ongoing point of contention, then it may be time to consider the value in salvaging it.
An otherwise rational person, does not lash out, seemingly unjustifiably without there being something else at play. If you know there to be outliers, a certain amount of give is understandable.
We often make rash decisions and/or say things we don’t mean in the heat of an argument or while we are still feeling hurt.
But when does it cross the line of acceptable behavior, regardless of any outlier?
After all, when someone has been verbally abusing you via text to the point where you don’t even want to pick up your phone, it seems quite silly to continually open yourself up to more insults when you are still processing the ones from before.
I mean I could, but then I would most likely just get angrier and say something cruel in return. That is not productive by any means.
Therefore, until I have fully processed, cooled down and have a full understanding of how I want to move forward, I will in most cases, shut that person out until my decision has been made.
I’m not saying that is the correct thing to do by any means, but it’s the truth and it can cause the situation to build unintended momentum.
My unread message becomes fuel for another round of messages that go unread, and so on and so on, until by the time I bring myself to read them, there is an arsenal of emotion before me.
The whole time I am working through the initial altercation, the other person has had like three arguments with me that I wasn’t even present for!
I understand that it is human nature to assume the actions or intent of others, but the old saying is absolutely TRUE!
I’m not trying to poke fun at the situation by any means, I realize I could handle things differently, but when I am attacked, I close that person out almost immediately until I can try to come back to the situation rationally.
I think it may be a defense mechanism for holding it together when everything around me was falling apart. I learned over the years to compartmentalize. If there was something that seemed to big for me to handle, I simply shut it out and tackled the things I could until I was ready to take on the rest.
I guess what I am saying is that you never know what someone is going through at any given moment and unless you know for an absolute fact that they are just being a jerk, don’t assume they are.
Them not responding to you could mean they are deciding where they stand on things. Perhaps they haven’t even opened your message or listened to your voicemail. And if they haven’t, than over reacting would seem quite unnecessary, now wouldn’t it?
There is only so much a person can take before they decide it is just not healthy to stick around. Don’t give them a reason to walk away, give them space and understanding. It could be the reason they chose to stay.