Inspired Action

In anticipation for the revival, I went back and watched Roseanne from start to finish (Ya, it took a while!). I just watched the last episode.

It was exactly what I needed at the exact moment I needed it.

I forgot how powerful her final monologue was, especially the end.

When it 1st aired, I was barely a teenager, dabbling with the idea of someday becoming a famous writer from a very small town much like, if not exactly the same as, the fictional town of Lanford, IL.

Say what you will about Roseanne, I know it is not everyone’s cup of tea, but this show was a staple in my life. It may not have been as wholesome as Family Matters or Full House, but not everyone’s life was wholesome. Especially not mine.

In the midst of my dysfunction, it was a comfort (although fictional) that not every family was quote on quote normal, but it didn’t matter as long as there was love.

Lately, I have been struggling to find the inspiration to finish the next chapter of my memoir. And then today, I heard this…coincidence? I think not πŸ™‚

Roseanne – Final Monologue – May 20, 1997 (an excerpt)

“…In choosing life I realized that my dreams of being a writer wouldn’t just come true I had to do the work. and as I wrote about my life I relived it and whatever I didn’t like I rearranged. I made a commitment to finish my story, even if I had to write in the basement in the middle of the night while everyone else was asleep.

But the more I wrote the more I understood myself and why I had made the choices I made and that was the real jackpot

I learned that dreams don’t work without action
I learned that no one can stop me but me
I learned that love is stronger than hate

And most important I learned that god does exist and he and/or she is right inside you.
Underneath the pain,
the sorrow,
and the shame.

I think I’ll be a lot better now that this book is done.”

Her last sentence reminded me of how cleansed I felt when I finished Insane Roots. It was like a therapy session of my own making and I think that is why I am struggling so much with the second book.

There are things I experienced during that time that up until now I was not ready to deal with. Pain buried so deep, I had almost forgotten it was there. Or at the very least, grown accustom to its sting.

Revisiting those memories, means the opening of old wounds and breaking down walls it took years to build.

But it also means healing. A necessary process in moving forward. And maybe someday, moving on.

The person you all know today is not the girl in the pages of Insane Roots, nor is she the struggling teenager in the chapters yet to come. She is the woman who survived them.

And I think it’s time to finish her story.

 

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Weekly Inspiration: Dear Me

What would I tell my younger self?

I have been reading my old high school journals to help with the timeline for my next memoir. It is a very strange feeling to be reading the words of your teenage self. There was so much sadness and anger on those pages that I began to feel anxious. I just wanted to reach through the pages and give myself a hug, to tell myself to calm down and that it would all work out okay.

For this reason, I keep getting stuck. I have spent so much time trying to move forward and have made such great strides in self improvement that it is uncomfortable revisiting that head space. It is so far from where I am now that I have trouble relating. Although, like with Insane Roots it is a good therapy session. With each book I grow and this one is proving to be no different. But how do I keep myself from getting bogged down in the energy of it? This need to comfort my younger self?

Then I remembered what a dear friend of mine told me about a process of self healing that involved doing just that.

I am sure you can remember a time in your life when you felt alone, depressed or let down in some way. By going back to that time in your mind and giving yourself the comfort you lacked in that moment so long ago, you have the ability to heal old wounds. It may sound ludicrous to some, but if you are game I urge you to try it. After all, what do you really have to lose?Β  I seriously doubt it could be bad for you.

It was in one of those moments that I started thinking about all the things I would tell my younger self.

Now don’t get me wrong, if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t change anything. I like myself just as I am, scars and all.

I would however tell myself to stop and smell the roses and to never forget the importance of spending time with the ones you love. Time is so precious and each day a gift. You never know how much time you have with someone until it is too late. So, use your time wisely and spend it with those you hold closest to your heart.

Okay, your turn! What would you tell your younger self?

Weekly Inspiration: Reflection

Hey all! I am in the middle of moving, so instead of picking an inspiration from the bowl I have come up with one of my own. I think it is fitting considering the recent events surrounding my mother’s disappearance.

What is something you have learned over the past year?

For me, I have learned to trust my gut. I think we all have those moments when we are faced with a choice and our gut is telling us to go one way or another. I cannot count the times I went against my instincts and found out later I should have listened. Over the last year, I have tried harder to rely on those gut reactions and it has saved me a world of hurt.

Not just with my mother, but my intuition surrounding our relationship is definitely been the most measurable. Had I not kept my walls up, I could be in a whole world of hurt right now.

I found out this weekend that it is just as I suspected. The state police went to speak with her old roommate and told him that she is currently wanted in 4 different states under several different names. The detective remarked that she has one of the longest rap sheets he has ever seen. Last I knew, she had 27 know aliases. Now it would seem the number of identities have drastically increased.

I am so very thankful I knew better than to let her in again. I am glad we had a chance to connect and that for once I have been able to walk away clean. Looks like I have learned my lesson…never to trust my mother! It is a sigh of relief in an otherwise awful situation.

I am anxious to hear what you have learned over the past year?!

Public Speaking…Check!

Thank you all for the words of encouragement for Wednesday’s book reading, my first! It went really well and I was able to loosen up enough by the end to really enjoy myself. It was uplifting to see the excitement in the audience after I finished the first story, My Crazy Mother. I barely finished asking if they would like me to read another when hands started popping up, followed by attentive eyes and a stereo exclamation of “Yes!”

My hands and voice lost their shake as I opened the pages to the next selection I had picked and began. After reading the title, I noticed a woman flipping the pages of her copy of the book so I said, “For those of you following along, it’s page 76” and we greeted one another with a smile. I had to hold the excitement back. Not only were people here, but they are engaged! This is exactly how I had envisioned this moment for so many years. I knew if I could find the courage to face my fears, my life would never be the same.

A friend of mine sitting in the front row said I spoke with confidence and pride as I read the lighthearted tale of my trip to Disney World with my foster family. By the end of the passage, I didn’t want it to end! I just wanted to keep reading! Which is so funny considering how terrified I was to do it at all…haha!

After the reading came the really fun part! The discussion of the book πŸ™‚ We filled up the remaining hour with a question and answer session that basically turned in to story time with me as the lead.Β  I told them funny stories about my child and they shared treasured moments from theirs. It was great!Β  There was one particular woman in the front row who was very touched by my story and applauded me for having the courage to write it. We talked about my mission to empower others and she told me that meeting me had inspired her. It really touched my heart and gives me great hope for the mission ahead.

It was another moment I will never forget. The collection of which will continue to fuel my desire to uplift and inspire others for as long and as much as I can πŸ™‚

So thankful!!

 

Keep on Spreading The Love

Special thank you to everyone who participated in the May Spreading The Love Campaign! We made a nice donation to the Denver Animal Shelter to help our furry friends find homes! πŸ™‚

To keep on spreading the love, I would like to extend the campaign through June. Only this time, all donations will be going to help a very dear friend of mine who is battling Breast Cancer.

Angie Baker is one of the most generous and kind people I have ever met. To know her is to love her. She is the type of person who would do anything for anyone without question.

She is a single mother and has been struggling to make ends meet since she began chemo back in January. Angie is one in a million and she needs our help.

Please find a link to her GoFundMe campaign below to donate directly.

Angie.png

https://www.gofundme.com/25t63dcc

The donated money will help cover her day to day living expenses and any medical expenses her insurance company declines.

I will also be donating 50% of the proceeds from all copies of Insane Roots purchased through the Insane Roots official website: Insaneroots.com Β  for the entire month of June to help in paying it forward.

If you are not able to donate, I completely understand, but if you can please share this with as many people as possible, it would mean so much to Angie and her family.

Thank you all for your consideration and support.

Let’s keep on spreading the love πŸ™‚

Stay strong Angie, we love you so much!