I will keep this short and sweet this morning. Call it another public service announcement from T-Bell if you will, but I cannot go through this day without sharing with you a very important lesson I learned this weekend.
So, Sunday was my birthday. A day that has been hard for me since I was a kid. Mostly because I never knew where my mother was most of the time, which usually meant that as a child, I would spend the whole day wishing and hoping that somehow she would reappear and she never did. So year after year, my heart would break just a little bit more. This year was no different.
You see that is why people don’t understand how important being remembered is to me. For someone who is always forgotten, a simple text or phone call to say happy birthday means more to me than anything in the world. Just once, it would be nice to not be disappointed.
I had such an amazing day on Sunday, so much fun! I went to the car show with Daddy J, which was a blast and then a few of us came back to my place for an impromptu hang session. It was everything I could have asked for and more.
When everyone left, I came back inside and started catching up on my birthday texts 🙂
When I replied to the last one, I realized that two very important people had still not sent me anything? And I don’t mean gifts, I could care less if you buy me anything. Although, my friend Elaine did hit it out of the park this year!!
Two of the people I care for most in the world, showed me just how little they care for me. I kind of expected it from one of them. I know him well enough to know it was not really because he doesn’t care about me, but rather he just cares about himself more. No surprises there, he has been this way his whole life. It doesn’t excuse it (believe me I ate his ass!), but the point is that I know in my heart that he never intended to hurt me.
The other, was a complete surprise. It was someone I thought I could count on, someone I thought valued my presence in their life. Someone I never thought would blow me off, especially on the day he knows I struggle with. We lost touch for years and having him back in my life this last year has been great. It was so refreshing to spend time with someone I could truly be myself around, someone who truly saw me and valued me for all that I am. Which is why, his forgetfulness hurt more than anything I could have imagined.
Now, I try my best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt…Maybe something horrible happened, he lost his phone or a million other acceptable reasons for treating me like garbage. And so, at first, I tried to give him a chance to explain. One simple text from me to say that I was a little hurt. No response.
Okay so now I am worried, maybe something did happen? He doesn’t normally blow me off like this. And then the next day came, still no response.
“What’s the deal man?”
And that is when the waterworks began. Which pissed me off, because I thought I was done crying over stupid inconsiderate men, but I guess not.
I realized in that moment, that the friendship I thought meant as much to him as it did to me, clearly did not and boy did that sting.
We all screw up, we all forget things, but to not even acknowledge it or me? How cruel is that? Especially coming from someone who deals with the same emotional issues that I do and knows how much his actions would hurt me.
I can take a hint, but at least have the common courtesy to tell me you don’t want me around anymore instead of taking the cowards way out and ghosting me…on my birthday of all days! I deserve more than that, a lot more.
His actions disappointed me more than anyone’s ever have, because I never saw it coming, but I guess I should be thankful for that.
To him, for reminding me that I need to make better choices about who I give my time to. There are those that value me in their life and those that simply use me to fill their time when something better is not available.
And the timing could not be more perfect. As you remember from my last post, I have been taking a long hard look at the people in my life and well, I guess as heart broken as I have been over the last few days, at least I know now where I truly stand with some people.
I am so thankful to the people who remembered me on Sunday (even if FB reminded you, teehee I get it and it still counts).
If it was not for all of you, having been forgotten may have stung a lot worse.
The lesson here, if it’s not yet clear, is that no matter how much you care about someone that doesn’t give them free rain to disrespect you.
And if you are someone on the other end of this, try to remember that no matter how much you don’t care about someone that doesn’t mean your actions do not have the ability to destroy them. Try to be kind, respectful, is it really that hard to allow someone to leave your life with their dignity still intact?
I think not.