I wish I was better at quieting my mind or at least cancelling out the somewhat whimsical daydreams of all that I desire.
Just sometimes…in moments like these.
Maybe then the challenge of living without expectation wouldn’t be so much of a struggle.
I cannot help knowing what I want and more frustratingly that I do not have it or the feeling that I never will.
I lecture myself with reality in the hopes that it will be enough to make everything I feel simply fade away.
But it doesn’t seem to help.
Not sometimes…in moments like these.
When I am alone, wishing to be rescued from the wars on my heart.
Filled with the hope that someone, someday, will choose me.
But there is no hero in this story. No valiant knight fighting for my cause; to be loved.
The sun is saying goodbye now and my will doubly so.
If only the truth was a liar, sent to test my loyalty in this amorous charade.
Maybe then I would I rise triumphant from these ashes to be the great conqueror of disappointment and neglect.
A prize worth winning, something wanted, something cherished.
More than just a convenience collecting dust on the shelf.
The loneliness feels thicker somehow. As if the coldness of its reminder has stiffened my joints. I am finding it hard to move, to try, to care.
For tomorrow will only be the same.
Another day in the darkness, fighting these demons inside my head.
And so, I close my eyes, and desperately beg for the sweet release of sleep.