I learned something about myself this weekend. A weakness that I didn’t know I had overcome and one that I never really wanted to admit to myself that I had.
When I was younger, I had such a need for acceptance and approval from those around me that many times, I would compromise myself in order to receive it. Of ‘course back then, I didn’t realize that the approval I was getting was in itself self defeating.
As transparent as it was, it is what I thought I needed.
I did not possess the self worth and confidence to stand up for myself. I held no courage when it came to telling others what they may not want to hear.
And when it came to relationships or men in general, I did not always say no. Even though, it was what I wanted to say.
This weekend, I was faced with one of those uncomfortable moments when someone of the opposite sex is refusing to take no for an answer. You try to be nice and say, “I’m sorry, I am just not feeling it.”
And still they persist.
The old me, would have probably endured a long night of constantly dodging their inappropriate behavior and stealthy making my escape.
Ya, NO! I was not having it!
And perhaps, part of my courage was rooted in the fact that my mind has been overly preoccupied with another, but I can tell you without a doubt that the majority of it came from being secure enough in myself to not give a shit about how I made this person feel.
After all, he obviously didn’t care how his behavior was making me feel, so why stand by and condone it by allowing it to continue.
I didn’t need or want the approval from someone who clearly held no respect for me.
The moment came when I had enough. With my hand in his face, I said, “Okay, stop right there…” and proceeded to, somewhat nicely, tell him very clearly where I stood on his advances.
At that point, he had two choices – Stay mad and let it ruin his day or get over it!
Talk about feeling empowered!
I didn’t realize it until the next day, but this held great validation for me.
I talk about how far I have come, but I still have my demons.
I feel lighter now, knowing I have one less.
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