My Thoughts on Relationships

When did dating become so complicated?

My guess would be that it was the moment when human interaction was reduced to hiding behind a screen rather than having a real face to face moment with someone. An energy exchange rather than a text message.

And I feel like dating isn’t even dating anymore. It is like there is only ‘hooking up’ instead of searching for something real. I mean finding a hook-up is easy and great for the moment, but what happens if I am looking for more than that? Are there any decent men left in the world who want more than just a quick a meaningless moment of passion and lust? I mean don’t get me wrong passion is great, but how much better is it when you know the person you are sharing it with cares for you deeply.

This week alone, I have had several opportunities to “meet up” and honestly, I’m just not really into it anymore. It’s too easy and way too predictable. I think I have come to a stage in my life when everything has changed. I am so unbelievably bored of the dating game.

I am not going to chase you or entertain your overused excuses about being damaged. We are all damaged. However some of us choose to rise above our circumstances, to find our strength among the heartbreaks of the past and the fear of the future. Others are not as strong and I don’t know about you, but for me weakness is such a turn off.

I have been told by most of my previous lovers that I am one of the most laid back people they have ever dated. Not in my younger years of course, I was a bit crazy back than, but even so I have never really been the controlling type.

Which is probably the reason most of us have stayed friends over the years. To me a relationship is about give and take. It is built on respect and honesty. And if you truly care about someone than neither of those should be too difficult to master.

You both give it a shot and it either works out or it doesn’t. And if you are mature enough, after some time passes, your heart begins to heal and you can both be thankful for the experience it gave you.

Oh and let’s not forget the all essential communication.

I do not find it sexy or mysterious to wonder how a person feels about me. Quiet the opposite really. A man who is not afraid to say how he feels or go after what he wants, now that is sexy!

I get that love is scary. We have all had our fair share of heartbreak, but you can’t boohoo over it forever. I was badly burned by a deceitful, disgusting man several years ago before I moved to Colorado. Talk about damaged. I had allowed him to manipulate me into a place where I no longer knew my own self worth. I swore to myself that I would never again fall victim to the dangers of love.

But then one day, I realized that by doing that, I was essentially giving him the power to dictate the rest of my life. Getting over someone and moving on are much different. Sure, I was over him. I had no desire to ever see him again and I had forgiven (not forgotten) all of the heartless things that he did.

However, my heart was still bruised and I was scared. Terrified actually. I hit such a low place after we parted. A place I never wanted to be again. Not all relationships end badly as I mentioned before, but in cases such as these, we grow and grow and grow.

I learned more about who I was, what I would and would not put up with and most of all what I truly wanted in a relationship. And that was not something magical or perfect by any stretch. All I really wanted was something real.

Two uniquely flawed people supporting one another down the road of life. Inspiring and loving the other despite their disagreements and woes. So simple, yet so hard to find.

I knew it was a gamble and I wasn’t quite sure I was ready, but I knew that I couldn’t hide away forever.

And then, along came this person who lit a fire inside of me. It did not manifest into the love affair I thought it would, but I am thankful.

Grateful because I honestly never thought I could feel that way again about anyone and that in itself gave me hope.

Not too long ago, one of my guy friends told me something that I will never forget. I was talking to him about someone that had recently told me they had feelings for me and then immediately after just blew me off. I was asking him how I should handle the situation, since now a days all this dating stuff is clouded by ridiculous suggestions of how we should and should not behave.

He laughed at me and said, “It’s really quite simple…If a guy really wants to be with you, there is no stopping him, no fear, no worry, nothing…So if he is blowing you off, then chances are he doesn’t”

Simply put and really, it answered all of my questions.

No response, is a response.

It is foolish for me to try to figure out what anyone else is thinking and if their actions do not match their words, then chances are their words mean very little.

The only actions we can control are our own. And if we remember to stay true to ourselves, without exception, then no matter what we do we will always have the assurance that it came from the heart.

You are worthy of all that you desire and never let anyone tell you any different. Those that do are not looking out for your best interest…usually they are just looking out for themselves.

 Now, go out and find them! 🙂

Image courtesy of Dynamite Imagery at FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “My Thoughts on Relationships

  1. I never did really understand the games of dating, even long before the internet and such, the gmes that meant trying to be somehow better, or seem better, than we are, to impress. And hooking up? That lost its charm more than thirty years ago. Great article.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s