Do you think we have more than one soul mate? I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who so clearly has found hers and she said that if anything ever happens to him that she would have no desire to peruse another love. So I asked her, “Do you think it is possible to have more than one ‘once in a life time love’? Without much thought her answer was no.
I kind of hope she’s wrong!
The older I get the more I wonder if I will ever get another chance at finding real love. And by real love, I mean knock your socks off, nothing compares to it, completely unconditional love. I was lucky enough to find it once. And sometimes I think that maybe that was it. That he was truly my one and only. If so, that’s okay. Some people never even find that much. I just wish I knew if it was even worth dating anyone any more or if I should just be content in knowing that I’ve had my love story and call it good.
By most people’s standards he wasn’t anything special. He wasn’t rich, he wasn’t successful, he wasn’t gorgeous, but when our eyes met it was abundantly clear that he loved me with all of his heart, just as I was. That is really all I have ever wanted.
Since then, I have attracted a few close fits, a variety of jerks and one that knocked me off my feet, but then just changed his mind 😦
It was after the last that I decided to stop looking. And instead search within myself for completion rather than through someone else.
I have been asked over and over if I worry that I’ll never find someone to share my life with and a few years ago, I would have said yes, but not anymore.
Sure it would be nice to find that kind of love again, but spending all my time worrying about whether I will seems like a sure fire way of causing myself unnecessary stress. Who needs that? Certainly not me!
So that chase is over.
If the right one comes along that’s great, but I’m done searching for him. If it’s meant to be, I’m pretty sure he’ll find me. I have been blinded by love so many times in the past and I refuse to fall back into those old habits. There is nothing worse than having someone light the flames in your heart and then just walk away.
That is just not fair and it hurts more that if we gave it a try and it just didn’t work out. At least then you know it was because you simply were not compatible rather than having no idea why he changed his mind. Or even more horrible to realize you were just a convenient comfort for him and nothing more.
Yup, I’m done with all of that.
I know I am not perfect, but I am still worth fighting for.
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