You know those people who always seem to struggle in life? They say things like, “nothing ever works out for me”, “I am so unlucky”, “The world is out to get me”, “I’ll never get ahead!”…
I used to be that person. When I was in college, nothing ever seemed to go my way. I was always forgetting to complete assignments, leaving them at home or losing them all together. I struggled with test taking and soon began to doubt my ability to pass all together.
I was always running late, missing the bus and when I did drive, I was usually stuck in traffic or getting lost. One time, my car over heated on I5 heading into the city and I was forced to pull over. If you have never been on I5 heading into downtown Seattle, it is one, if not the busiest interstates linking the surrounding area to the city. You are not supposed to pull over because it is so dangerous, but leave it to me to have no choice.
At the time, I worked as the ‘One Hour Photo Girl’ at a drugstore in capitol hill and lived in Bell Town. It had begun to snow, so the store closed early and we were all sent home. I walked across the street to catch the bus and waited, and waited, and waited. After about 20 minutes, I called the transit authority to inquire as to how much more of a delay there would be and that is when they told me the bad news.
Due to the weather and the drastically steep hills, unfortunately the buses were no longer safely able to run. I’ll call a cab I thought…but it would seem the rest of the city had the same idea because the soonest they could send someone would be close to an hour. The only other option for me was to walk! Yup, walk….in the snow, down the hill, in the dark of night by myself…
By the time I arrived home, my feet were soaked, ears & nose frozen and my hair filled with icicles. It was not a pretty sight.
My life was filled with stories like these during that time in my life.
My friends, Steve & Kelly, used to refer to these constant nuances as “Tiffany’s little tragedies” I was a walking example of Murphy’s Law! Anything that could go wrong did go wrong and always to me! Looking back, I realize that this was actually something my mother used to say to me when I was a child. It was an idea that had been programmed within my mind at a very early age and seemed to have set the pace for my life going forward.
It was exhausting! I remember being so frustrated, because I am a big believer in karma and despite my efforts to do right by others, the world never seemed to do right by me. I was afraid to do anything nice for myself because I thought I would be punished for it somehow.
One year for my birthday, Steve found a post card that said, “Reality Bites!” with a picture of a frazzled woman on the front. Seeing as it was my catch phrase at the time, there was no question in his mind that he had to get it for me.
For me, reality did bite, sometimes literally!
That was until I decided to start telling a different story.
My journey in self-improvement lead me to a book by Don Miquel Ruiz, The Four Agreements. Which if you have never read, I highly recommend. I have done a few posts on it as well. It helped me look at the world and myself in a very different way. I struggled with insecurity and almost every thought in my head (towards myself) was negative in some way. I realized that if anything in my life was going to change, taking control of these thoughts would surely be the first step.
So I began researching the subject and found the teachings of Dr. Joe Dispenza, who explained the science behind our thinking. He explained that when we think a negative or positive thought, our brain actually produces a chemical to coincide with that thought which makes us feel the matching emotion to it. For example, when we have a thought about disappointment, our brain produces a chemical that makes us feel disappointed. The struggle in this is that it can send us on a downward spiral of more and more negative thinking/feeling.
“when you are feeling insecure you start to think the way you are feeling. Then, you begin to feel the way you think and feeling becomes the means of thinking. When this occurs, the mind becomes immersed in the body and you begin thinking as a body and not as a mind; it becomes your state of being.” – Dr. Joe Dispenza
And then… I stumbled across Alan Watts, Louise Hay, Abraham Hicks & Dr. Wayne Dyer….little did I know my life would never be the same!
There is this idea out there that we create our own reality, that we really do get back all that we put out. We may not have control over everything in our life, but one thing we do have control of is our thoughts and therefore how we feel.
It all started to make sense…
“There are only two kinds of people. Those who believe that they are a victim of the world and those who understand that they are the world.” – Alan Watts
Now, before I go any further, I am not looking to debate on the validity of these ideas, but rather simply to share my experience of their discovery and how it has impacted my life. Believe what you will, after all it is your choice to do so. Personally, it has absolutely changed my reality and if it helps you too, then that’s great.
Personally, I feel it is important that any idea be at least entertained. Not necessarily subscribed to in its entirety, but more importantly not immediately dismissed. Listen and take from it what you will. Whether it be all, some or none of the wisdom offered. It is my opinion that just by exploring the possibility that there is some validity within any argument that we begin exercising our minds ability to reach beyond its current programming to find our own path 🙂
The common theme of all these teachings is that there is this law of attraction that governs our lives. Hence, when we continue to tell ourselves the same negative story over and over again, it truly becomes our reality. Causing us to battle against the current, keeping us from unleashing our true potential.
My story for so many years was one of struggle and pain – fear and inadequacy. It was an ideology deeply rooted in me as a child. Those of you who have read my memoir can understand how such a mindset may have been created. My mother and I were always on the run from someone or something, never settling in one place for very long. We were separated many times in many situations that were just devastating for a young child. By the time I hit adolescence, I had closed myself off from those around me as a way of guarding myself from the possibility of being hurt.
I began to expect tragedy and disappointment so much so that I started to lose hope in the potential of living any other way. I was always preparing for the worst and when something good did happen, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which it usually did, confirming my fears and driving me further and further down the road of negative thought.
The prospect of being able to change my life by changing my thoughts seemed too good to be true, but I am a very open minded person and figured it couldn’t hurt, so I gave it a shot.
At first it seemed silly, telling myself “everything is always working out for me” when I really didn’t believe it, telling myself I was “beautiful and powerful” when I felt ugly and helpless or declaring that “money flows to me easily and often” as I was looking at my empty bank account. But I didn’t give up.
I noticed that just by thinking these things (even though I didn’t quite believe them) seemed to put me in a good mood. And not only that, the time I spent thinking positively prevented me from the constant cycle of negativity that I normally experienced. I began putting less attention on the negative aspects of my life and more attention on the positive aspects.
And then one day I noticed a great change. Positive affirmations and meditation became habit for me and I began to see these declarations validated around every turn. One year later, I am a completely different person. Those positive affirmations that were once so silly have become true. Things are always working out for me, money does flow to me easily and often, and I am beautiful and powerful.
I have been sharing this journey with a very dear friend of mine and she has seen the same changes take place in her life as well. We both have experienced great freedom in letting go of the negative patterns of our past and it has opened so many doors into our own perception of what it truly means to be alive.
Hicks refers to it as the Art of Allowing. We have learned the art of allowing our lives to unfold naturally and no longer hold resistance to living the life we have always intended. Now, for us, no dream is too big and we hold great faith and trust that it will all work out for us in the end.
We no longer dwell on the how, but rather focus on following our highest good and trying our best to enjoy the journey, to live in the now. Appreciating all that we have been blessed with in any given moment. The best way I can describe it is having freed myself from these ingrained patterns of negativity or my little tragedies if you will. I no longer have bad days, but rather bad moments that I now have the tools to overcome by taking control of my thoughts. It truly is a breath of fresh air!
If any of this resonances with you, I encourage you to delve further into the subject.
For those of you who are interested, the video below sums it up pretty well and just may send you down a rabbit hole of exploration all of your own. ~ Have fun! 🙂