Moving On

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Thanksgiving is one of my most favorite holidays. Not just because of the amazingly delicious feast, but because it is a time to gather with family and friends and take a moment to be thankful.I also find myself beginning to feel festive and eager for the Christmas season.

It is a tradition in my family to spend the day after Thanksgiving decorating the house while listening to Christmas music and then spend the evening all snuggled up together on the couch watching an array of holiday movies. I remember sitting in the living room with my grandparents and being so overjoyed by my surroundings that it would be almost too much to take.

My grandfather never sat in the living room, except for two times a year. This night and Christmas morning. Most of the time he was out in his wood shop working on a project or sitting in the kitchen visiting with my grandmother. These moments were rare and memories I treasure very much.

This year my Thanksgiving will be quite a bit different. I am away from family and friends. Those in my current surroundings have moved on with their life, making their own plans and sharing their time with the people they treasure most. It is beautiful, watching them create their lives together. There is a certain peace in knowing you are no longer needed. The love and support you have given them over the years has helped them become the person they are today. Strong and powerfully determined to pursue their own happiness.

It is in this realization that I have come to understand that I am about to embark on yet another chapter of my life. My work here is done as they say. There is no one left to need me and although one could find this disheartening or lonely, I find it satisfying and freeing.

I have spent my whole life trying to please everyone around me, causing me to lose a little part of myself each time I got caught up in someone else’s life. Then I would spend the years that followed searching desperately for those pieces that I had lost. It was such a vicious cycle and one that takes up a lot of unnecessary time.

How freeing it is to know that as I begin this next chapter in my life, the time has come when I can truly dive into the deep inner workings of myself. I have moved beyond the scared and needy person I was before and blossomed in to a powerful creator of my own universe. There is no need to rely on the actions of others to justify the way I feel. To complain about all that is missing from my life or to keep reliving the same sad story over and over again.

I am stronger and wiser now. I am confident and motivated. For once in my life I can honestly say that I have put the past behind me. Those old familiar feelings of abandonment and uselessness are something of the past. I no longer live on the validation of others, instead I validate myself (as often as possible).

When I am feeling out of control emotionally, I have the ability to stop and reason with myself. “What do you need right now?” I will ask myself. “Why are you feeling this way? Where is this anger coming from? Are you searching for validation from others? How can you validate yourself in this moment? If this is not what you want, what is it that you do want?”

All questions that help me to understand where those negative feelings are rooted from. Abraham Hicks describes emotions as our guidance system. Getting to the source of our discontent helps us to gain a better understanding of what we don’t want, so that we can better understand what it is that we do want and tells us to focus on that.

My emotions have been so deep rooted within me that for a very long time it was difficult to sort out what was really bothering me when I would get upset about something. Many times, I would find myself laying in bed sobbing and would have no real idea what it was I was crying about. Analyzing the thoughts that were going through my head ended up being the key for me to get a handle on where these emotions were coming from.

It was not until I began picking them apart that I realized many of the beliefs I held were the product of a life time of repeating that same negative thoughts over and over and over until in my mind they became truth.

For example, something I struggled with from a very early age was rejection. I was abandoned by my mother at a time when I needed her most, over and over again.I never knew my father, so being left behind by the one person who was supposed to take care of you didn’t leave me feeling very secure.

When a child does not have the right relationship with their parents, they think, well if my parents, who are supposed to love me, only want to hurt me than what is wrong with me?

A child does not have the ability to think, You’ve got a problem!

We think there is something wrong with us. And the younger you are sometimes the harder it is to overcome then because you get rooted in that mess.

One thing that happens when you have been deeply rejected is that it affects your perception. It affects how you perceive things.  You begin to imagine that things are happening that aren’t happening.

You are not separating yourself from your opinion. When someone rejects your opinion, you feel they are rejecting you because the rejection is so rooted in you that you are not able to separate the two.

With some determination you can get out of that pit.

You may not have had a good beginning, but you can have a good finish!                             – Joyce Meyer

When I heard the above message, it all clicked for me. I had been in a cycle of negative emotion. It was like I had been clawing to get out of the pit for years and then one day someone dropped down a ladder. I have not been the same since.

Now when I start to feel a negative emotion, I grab hold of it and yank it out by the roots! When I get caught up in a confusing cycle of hurt feelings and disappointment, I step away from the situation at  hand and do what ever it takes to get back to my happy place. Sometimes that means stepping away from the world all together for a bit, but when I emerge it feels like a Phoenix rising out of the ashes. After each struggle, I shed the skin of the past and move forward with inspiration and hope.

I know who I am, I know what I want and nothing is going to stand in my way!!!

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