In my last post, I reference the teachings of Ester and Jerry Hicks. This idea that we are vibrational beings. Vibrational beings with the power to deliberately create our own reality by taking control of our thoughts.
I was doing good with the every day. Each time my mind jumped to the negative, I immediately thought of something positive. Every time I started to put focus on what I didn’t want/have, I would catch myself and spend double the amount of time thinking of all that I do have.
It was hard work.
After just a few days, I noticed a huge change in the way I was feeling on a daily basis. That alone was enough motivation to keep at it.
Eventually, I found that my mind began automatically jumping to the positive more than it would to the negative. So much so that a positive affirmation would come into my mind just as something negative began to happen. It was becoming my auto response to negativity. I really was rewiring my brain! The ‘Debbie Downer’ who used to pilot my subconscious was replaced by ‘Peggie Positive’ and it was changing my perspective on everything.
And if this was not enough, I could feel myself gaining the courage to do things my social anxiety had kept me from doing before. I began putting myself in situations where I knew I would feel uncomfortable, just to challenge myself and practice staying in what Ester Hicks refers to as “the vortex”.
When I first started listening to her, the concept for me was a bit hard to grasp. What the heck is “the vortex” and why would I want to be in it?
I think I get it now.
According to Dr. Joe Dispenza, when we have a thought, our brain produces a chemical to make us feel what ever it is that coincides with the thought we are having. Much like we can get caught in a downward spiral (or vortex) of negativity, we can also forcefully keep ourselves in an upward spiral (or vortex) of positivity. And, according to the Law of Attraction, the energy we put out to the world comes back like a boomerang to create our reality.
Visually I like to think of it as a tornado of emotions swirling about. The positive feelings lift you up higher and higher above the ground to avoid inducing chaos below, where as the negative feelings drag you down closer and closer to the ground leaving a trail of carnage in its wake.
It’s pretty crazy when you think about this on an even larger scale such as the collective consciousness, but that’s a whole other post! lol
Point being, I began to notice a major change in my thinking and its reflection in my everyday life.
I was feeling pretty good 🙂
So, I decided to do something I have not done in years. I decided to make plans for my birthday. Every year for as long as I can remember, I have avoided my birthday like the plague. Having issues with social anxiety, I was never too keen on being the center of attention. Not to mention I have a pretty lousy track record in years past with making plans and ending up disappointed.
The best example being my 21st birthday when all plans came to a screeching halt when my grandmother passed away just two days before. I spent the big day planning her funeral with my grandfather. It was devastating. Something in me changed after that. For fear of everything falling apart, I never planned anything again. Whatever happened, happened.
I realize now that this was very silly. I was dwelling on the past and refusing to have a different future. Armed with my new outlook on life, I was ready to break the pattern.
The first change I made this year was that I didn’t take my birthday off from work to hide away from the world. I embraced the birthday wishes and felt appreciation to be the center of attention for one day. My co-workers decorated my cube and gave me some very thoughtful gifts. I felt very loved. Especially since I have only worked there since April.
My roommate and I had made plans that night to go to Toby Keith’s, I Love This Bar. I love country music and I read on the website that you receive a free steak dinner for your birthday by signing up for the VIP club (it’s free). I signed up a few days before and I was pumped the whole day to go. I love all kinds of music, but I was raised on country so something about it feels like home to me. Which was perfect because this was the first time in years that I would be away from my friends on my birthday.
From the moment I walked in the door I was jamming to country radio, amping myself up for the night ahead. I was so excited!
As I started to get ready, I could feel the anxiety encroaching on my good mood. I countered the worry by reminding myself of how excited I had been all day. Was I really going to let social anxiety keep me from enjoying myself? NO!
Then I began trying to find something to wear and I could feel the self-defeating thoughts start creep in. I was constantly having to bring myself back to the positive. It was kind of exhausting, but by the time I was ready to walk out the door I felt more centered than I have ever felt before. I was ready.
We listened to Toby Keith all the way to the bar. I was pumped! And you know what?
They were closed!
Was this the boomerang effect from all those years of fearful thinking? Maybe so, but not for long.
I didn’t let it get me down. Instead, I considered the idea that there was probably a very good reason we were not supposed to go to that bar that night. Something better was surely around the corner.
And it was. Instead of going to just one place, we went to several. Including a pretty cool Blues bar (my 2nd love!) that I may have never found had I not been in that area.
The night ended up being really fun, even if our plans didn’t pan out.
I feel as if I have been given a second chance to take control of my life. It has not been easy, but it has definitely been worth it.
Image courtesy of chrisroll at FreeDigitalPhotos.net