Well I knew this day would come, but as expected I am not ready! I received a message today letting me know that my mother has been released from prison. For the past five years, she has been in a women’s penitentiary in Idaho and I have found this more than calming. It is not that she is dangerous or anything, but the number she has done on my psyche is irreparable. I had not planned to speak of my final fall out with my mother until well in to the third book in the memoir series, however I can tell you that it was the most difficult moment in my entire life.
Obviously I love my mother, but there comes a point in life when regardless of the love you have for someone you need to let them go. I was completely unable to trust her and found that she had added my name to her long list of aliases, virtually ruining my credit before I even had a chance to build it! With tears in my eyes, I told her that I never wanted to see her again. From her perspective, I was abandoning her and she even wrote me a letter letting me know that she forgave me for all the wrong I have done to her…what? Yup, you heard me correctly!
I am not sure if I will ever reconcile with my mother or not. She is in her late 50’s and I have not spoken to her in over five years, so I basically feel as though I have no idea of who she is. I would love to think she has changed, seen the error in her ways and she is ready to truly make a new start, but with her track record, “proceed with caution” doesn’t begin to cover it! I would give anything to have her in my life again, but it’s a risk that I am just not ready to take.
On a positive note, at least this year should prove to be very interesting! Here we go again 🙂