How did I get here?

The conception of me is a bit fuzzy, but rumor has it my mother met a lovely man in a pub near or in Corning, New York. According to the hospital records, my father was one of the men she was seeing at the time. He denies any connection to me and knowing her I don’t blame him.

Regardless of when or with who, 9 months later, there I was!

Most people in her situation may have thought of a baby as just another burden, but to her I was nothing short of a jackpot. After all, saying no to a strung out teen was easy, but a mother hard on her luck…Never!

As are the details of my conception, so are the details of my birth. In place of this fussiness, I have decided to tell you the story my mother told me. It is much more interesting than the real one I am sure and this one includes my real dad, so I like it, even if I know it isn’t true. I believed it for years and it gave the rumor of a one night stand tragic personality and love.

My mother, in her early 20’s, dated a terribly troubled alcoholic. Whom she met in New York after fleeing her abusive parents in Texas. She rarely spoke of him and I am not able to remember a single time she described him physically to me. I remember her telling me of his native heritage and kind eyes, but nothing descriptive. Looking back, I really should have asked. I wish I would have asked.

They had only been “dating” for a few months when she told him she was pregnant. Apparently, he had been drinking and didn’t take the news well. They argued and the fight ended with him pushing her down the stairs of their apartment building. She left him and drove to Pennsylvania, where she stayed in sporadic communication with him and claims he was trying to get sober.

A few months later, she went in to labor with me. Before she went to the hospital she called my father and he told her he was on his way. Unfortunately he had been drinking and need I not elaborate, he never made it.

Knowing now that she manufactured this elaborate tragedy to explain my birth rather than face the hopeless reality of her situation (and mine) gives me some insight into the utterly sad place that she must have been in to need to create the fake existence she used to live the rest of her life.

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