There comes a time in ones life when the inevitable realization arrives that the ability to manifest our individual destiny lies only within us.
For some, this happens very early in life and for them the path may be more clearly defined or perhaps it is that they do not have as high of aspirations.
For others, such as myself, we struggle and we stumble through life searching for answers in a world we seem to always be disconnected from; a reality where our kind is rarely understood.
Throughout much of my life, I have felt more like an observer than a participant.
I can be in a room with a crowd of people and still feel alone.
Sometimes, it is as if I am hovering above the noise, looking down on the world as though it were a delicately crafted snow globe resting in my hands.
And when it all begins to shake, I find myself scratching through the glass in an attempt to navigate my way amidst the fog.
Human connection is a rarity for me, although many would be inclined to disagree, but that is simply the result of how well I wear this mask.
Mind you, it is not for me, but rather for you.
The pain I feel is my burden to bare… if you chose to call it that…a burden.
It is not something anyone can fix, nor does it need fixing.
However, for those who walk the line of normalcy, being broken is considered the same as going through life with a rock in your shoe.
It simply must me dealt with and disregarded.
I would argue… that it is my color, my muse, the main attribute that makes me..ME.
I have spent my life in pain, so much so that it has become a comfort to me.
I have tried normal, ordinary, typical and it is simply not for me.
After all, how can one be content with the predictable, when they have spent their whole life living through the unexpected.
It takes a lot for me to truly open up and it is not simply that I am guarded, but rather that human relationships take a great deal energy and it has been my experience that many of them are not worth the time and effort you put in.
As a result, I am picky, not scared…don’t get it twisted.
If you are one of the rare that I have allowed myself to love, please know that although this may not mean a great deal to you, it means everything to me.
For you see, you are one of the few. Uniquely flawed and perhaps as equally dead inside as myself. And for someone like me that has more value than conformity.
The more pain you experience, the more you begin to understand that relying on others for your own happiness is a fool’s errand and leads to dependency and the constant need for validation.
Those who have learned to walk alone are themselves on the path to true independence.
They do not need anyone to complete them and refuse to settle for less, even if it takes forever to find or they never find it at all.
Late bloomers if you will, but in my opinion, it is well worth it.
Wouldn’t it be better to hold out for someone who adds to your life rather than chasing down your “other half”?
Be a whole person, find another whole person and spend the rest of your life building the life you have always dreamed of together.